It's not easy being (Army) green.

note*** total weepy woman who is complaining/venting ahead

Joe is gone....again. And I have to admit I am not the perfect poised officer's wife at these times. Joe and I get a lot of "I don't know how you do it" from non-military families. I usually answer with "Joe loves what he does and I do what I need to do to make sure things are working well while he is away." But on days like today....I am a wreck. I don't know how much I have cried since last night. I cried at the airport and in front of my lip quivering 5 year old. I didn't sleep either. I just laid next to the love of my life listening to his heartbeat and the steady rhythm of his breathing. I try to see the positives like tell myself "no more smelly socks for a while" and "I don't *have* to cook if I don't want to" and the extra money is nice. But on days like today I think of the last time he touched my face, the last time he held my hand, or rubbed my pregnant belly. And the tears come once again. Luckily for me the first few days are the worst. Soon my deployment mode will kick in, and I will have a routine and I will find comfort in a phone call. But today I am allowing myself to be sad. And today as the familiar clinking of dogs tags hit my chest I will think of the man who gives everything for his family and his country.